How to Stop Looking for Love in All the Wrong Places, 3 Simple Tips that Work
Looking for Love
Because Valentine’s Day is right around the corner I find this blog post timely. Are you looking for love and have yet to find it? How long have you been searching for that special someone that you just know in your heart will complete you?
Maybe you have found love in material things such as your home, car, expansive designer shoe collection, your prized, vintage, vinyl record collection or perhaps, you've falling in love with making money.
Whatever your situation is you'll never find nor have true love until you develop a genuine relationship with God.
Questions to Ask yourself
Think about it for a second. Can your $1000 Christian Louboutin stilettos, the pair you keep in a dust ruffle bag atop your closet for fear the slightest amount of dust particle will damage them, love you back?
When you spend 4hrs every weekend detailing your beloved car does your car reciprocate the same feelings?
Do your family members or close friends love you unconditionally 100percent of the time to include all the instances you fall short of being a perfect person?
If you said yes to any of those scenarios then I must say you have an amazing pair of shoes, a show stopper car, and incredible family and friends. You are beyond this world fortunate and blessed.
But, I would bet everything that none of us can honestly admit to saying yes to even one of those scenarios.
The definition of Love
Let's go over the definition of love. Love, according to Merriam-Webster is a feeling of strong or constant affection for a person, attraction that includes sexual desire: the strong affection felt by people who have a romantic relationship, a person you love in a romantic way.
For the sake of this post, we will omit any reference to sexual desire. Typically, the first definition for a word is the most commonly used definition therefore; love is a constant affection a person has for another. Because it’s relevant I will be discussing the love for material possessions as well.
I am a seasoned veteran when it comes to looking for love in all the wrong places. It's a lonely and frustrating place to be. That's why I'm going to share with you a few tips on how to achieve your breakthrough.
3 Simple tips to discovering real love that Work
1. Stop Placing Value in Material Things
Why is this important? Let's go back to the scenarios above. Loving material things is a one-sided relationship. None of your earthly possessions can nor will ever love you back, so why do you love them so much?
Is it a status thing, security, or the temporary feel good tingles your earthly possessions invoke?
Material things lack emotions and feelings; therefore how can you logically expect them to show you the same affection? You can't! If love is a constant affection towards another person, then should you really love your shoes, car, etc. to the brink of obsession?
Maybe the truth is you just like or enjoy worldly possessions a lot, possibly border-lining idolatry and unhealthy attachment. The more you think about it the more it should sound absurd —loving material possessions and the things of this falling world.
19Lay not up for yourselves treasures upon earth, where moth and rust doth corrupt, and where thieves break through and steal: 20But lay up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust doth corrupt, and where thieves do not break through nor steal: 21For where your treasure is, there will your heart be also.
Material possessions are temporal so don’t place so much stock into them. They are here one moment and gone the next. Loving them can lead you to sin. And for some the very material possessions once loved have lead them to their own demise. This is why God warns of this in Matthew 6:19-21.
2. Love Yourself
Learn to love yourself. I want to make it clear I am not inferring you should love yourself as if you are a demigod, that you'll never be, but love yourself as Jesus Christ taught scripturally. When you love yourself based on biblical principles you'll want to accept the offer of salvation given to you by Jesus Christ.
Upon receiving your salvation you'll have an earnest desire to follow the ways of the Lord. When you are in line with His ways you'll no longer place earthly possessions or people above kingdom things for there are dire consequences for doing so.
Through understanding how to love yourself the way God intended, you won't allow anything to separate you from your Heavenly Father and that includes both material things and people.
Additionally, learning to love yourself teaches you to love others as you love yourself. This is the second greatest commandment (Luke 10:27). When you have a healthy, biblical concept of self love you won’t place yourself or others on pedestals.
3. Accept Imperfect People
When referring to actual people in our lives we've all experienced some amount of hurt from those we've loved and cared for. Reason being is that love is a constant affection with such incredibly high standards the majority of us will never come to master the concept, although we should try.
No one is perfect; therefore don't be shocked when a person disappoints you. We all sin and fall short of the glory. Accepting the minor character flaws in others puts into perspective that you too are human and need grace.
The Perfect Man
For instance, as a society you are encouraged to develop an exhaustive list of qualities to look for in your "soul" mate. I'm sure some of the expectations on your list are unobtainable by human capabilities. So, the moment your person of interest fails to rise up to the occasion you quickly dump him and move on to the next.
Instead of overlooking or accepting his insignificant imperfections that even you may have, you are convinced your perfect person formula is error proof and that you just haven't found the right candidate (test subject) yet.
You are looking for love in the wrong place (your unrealistic soul mate check list).
Stop it! You must seek God when waiting on your future husband. He will send you exactly who you need even if you find imperfections in him. I suggest reading my blog post: How to Change Your Husband the Biblical Way if you think too highly of yourself. My post will humble you.
Otherwise, continue to be let down by men who don't measure up to your high standard of perfection.
Finding God's Perfect Love
There is no other love than the love of God, the Almighty. He is the epitome of the definition of love. You see, our Heavenly Father loved us so much that He came down in human flesh to bring us the precious and holy gift of salvation through His only Begotten Son, Jesus Christ. Who can love us more than He who has created us?
The missing link
Do you know that God loves us more than our very own friends and family members? God loves hard and wants ALL of His children to enjoy everlasting life with Him.
He is a jealous God and takes it personal when we choose to love other people or things more than we love Him. He is the missing link to what we are searching for.
Search for God with all your heart, mind, and soul. When you genuinely seek out God you'll immediately realize He is the very love you've been looking for all this time.
He doesn't cheat on you
He only wants the best for you
He forgives your sins
He provides ALL your needs and more
He is your trusted friend, companion, and confidant
He never gossips about you
He answers your prayers
He is a healer
He won't steal from you
His promises to you never come back void
He shares His wisdom with you
He's your greatest counselor
You are on His mind 24/7/365
He counters attacks from the devil on your behalf
He loves you unconditionally
He sent His Son to die for you
What more could you possibly want in a friend, family member, or god?
The Common Denominator
As you just read the common denominator for rectifying the situation is God. I was able to reference Him in each one of my suggestions.
You see, you will never find perfect love in people (they will always fall short in meeting the standard) or in material possessions (they can't love you back). But you will find it in knowing God.
Implementing these simple tips in your everyday life will shift your focus from carnality and towards God. He is the ultimate answer to all of life's problems, big and small. So, when you are tempted to search for love, just look above.
–– Call to Action ––
Share with me in the comments a time you came up short looking for love.