It's Time to Run!
We all know that God created woman for man and Whoso findeth a wife findeth a good thing, and obtaineth favour of the LORD (Proverbs 18:22).
But what happens when you run across a man that doesn't understand the value in Proverbs 18:22? My advice to daughters of the Most High is to run! Please, don't rush into unfruitful relationships out of desperation and don't cast your pearls before swine, ever.
Somewhere deep inside we all want to feel loved and wanted. I believe women in particular are extremely pressured into finding husbands and soon after bear children.
I will not fully blame society for the pressure of wanting to be wives and mothers because God places those natural desires on our heart.
When you rush into creating the "ideal" relationship or family outside God's will and timing you often times compromise beyond what is considered humility — you lower your standards.
Your compromising is a tsunami brewing in the midst that can result in devastating consequences. In order to avoid this storm you must guard your heart and use the wisdom God has freely given you to make the right decision when dating men.
SLOW DOWN GIRL, YOU'RE MOVING TOO FAST!
What happened to becoming friends first, then courtship, and possibly an engagement in the future?
How did you go from introducing yourself to moving into his place two weeks later?
Why are you playing house with this man, i.e. cooking, cleaning, paying the bills, making love to him, taking on his burdens and baggage? You aren't even married. Worst yet, marriage hasn't been discussed.
I understand the longing to be a good wife and fulfilling the expectations that go along with it, but my sister you are setting yourself up for potential failure.
I know from personal experience by shacking up with a man I wasn't married to. I did all of those things mentioned above and much more.
All I ended up with was a depleted savings account, a broken heart, and lower self-esteem.
Jesus Christ made it perfectly clear his dismay for living with a man you are not married to for he cleverly called out the Samaritan woman at Jacob's well for doing that very thing. At least she didn't deny her iniquity.
John 4:15-18 KJV
15The woman saith unto him, Sir, give me this water, that I thirst not, neither come hither to draw. 16Jesus saith unto her, Go, call thy husband, and come hither. 17The woman answered and said, I have no husband. Jesus said unto her, Thou hast well said, I have no husband: 18For thou hast had five husbands; and he whom thou now hast is not thy husband: in that saidst thou truly.
Marriage is a serious vow before God and should never be taken lightly. I suggest reading the article, What Does the Bible Say About Divorce? When It's Allowed? to get a better understanding on the severity of divorce if you marry the wrong person.
I am bringing divorce to your attention to share with you the ramifications of rushing into love relationships.
So, until God has called you into marriage enjoy your freedom and space as an unmarried woman because there will come a time where the only place you'll find peace and serenity from the kids, husband, and dog is in the broom closet.
What are you true intentions for wanting love?
- Is it because your ex-boyfriend broke your heart and you need healing from another man?
- Are you idolizing first time motherhood and would marry anyone just to experience it?
- Did the doctor say you're nearly 40 years old and your egg quality is diminishing?
- Are the social media feeds of happy couples discouraging you?
- Are you feeling the pressure from family and friends to finally settle down?
- Are you yearning for validation from a man?
- Have you succumb to the spirit of loneliness?
If you are seeking a love relationship due to any of the possibilities mentioned above I'm here to tell you your intentions are wrong.
Manipulating your love life and bucking against God's will won't bring you happiness. What little happiness you will experience will be short lived at best.
I'm going to give you a few tips on how to combat those wrong intentions.
7 TIPS FOR COMBATING THE WRONG INTENTIONS
Ex-boyfriend heartbreak. Ask Jesus Christ to heal your heart for he knows exactly what's broken and how to fix it. It's somewhat unfair to place that kind of burden on your unsuspecting new love interest. All you'll end up doing is comparing him to your ex-boyfriend.
This can create an uncomfortable situation where he may feel as if he is walking on eggshells in attempt to avoid everything your ex-boyfriend did wrong.
When you are truly healed by the blood of Jesus, you won't bring your past hurt into the next relationship. All is forgiven. It's in the past remember and today is a new day.
Motherhood Idolatry. It breaks my heart, but I've heard of women using men to get pregnant then abandoning the relationship/marriage or falling out of love soon after the baby is born? Worst yet, pregnant women have had their babies cut right out of their bellies and stolen by desperate women.
If all you desire is motherhood and are willing to do anything to make it a reality to the extent of committing sin I suggest you fall onto your knees right now and ask God to take away this unhealthy lust for motherhood and repent. This is not the Holy Spirit placing these desires on your heart and you need deliverance.
Parenthood is not a game and children are not toys. After you break that stronghold ask God to give you healthy desires for motherhood.
If it is indeed His will for your life, have trust, have faith, and be patient while He delivers on His promise. When the time is right I will share my personal story about waiting for motherhood.
No hope after 40. The devil is a lie, period, point blank! The only person who put time tables on women conceiving is man himself.
If God can open Sarah's womb then why couldn't He do it for you? Abraham's and Sarah's testimony in this matter is for you to increase your faith when conceiving seems impossible. I'm a living testament to proving man's theory of not conceiving at a mature age is wrong .
I've learned of a few testimonies regarding "older" women conceiving although doctors said it was highly unlikely. We must remember that Yahweh is in total control and it is He who creates life, not any doctor.
If you are rushing into a relationship for fear you're getting too old to conceive then you need to take your faith up a few notches.
Don't allow your age to dictate the health and wellness of your body. There are tons of 40 and 50 year olds full of energy, running after their little ones. Believe this can be you too, but with the right husband of course.
Fake, Happy Social Media Couples. The best way to stop the cycle of feeling discouraged when seeing other happy couples on your social media feed is to...stay off social media. It's that plain and simple. If that is too much to ask then unfollow them.
Just like glamour magazines and the alike, those photos portray a perfect love story that doesn't exist. Just imagine all the fussing that goes on behind the scenes for a couple to snap the perfect we're so in love photo.
How many retakes did it take? Who got annoyed the most and was one snapshot away from losing their cool in front of the camera?
These are the realities that you probably haven't considered when ogling a couple's social media post.
Again, rushing into a love relationship just to be the newest, hottest couple within your social media circle is ridiculous. If you wan't real love, wait for real love.
Pressure from family and friends. Whose life is it? Your life or your friend's and family's life? I'm sure your family and friends mean well, but why feel pressured by them?
Remember they chose to be with their significant other whenever they felt led. Why shouldn't you be given the same opportunity when God says the timing is right?
Just because your mother and father married at 22 years old as high school sweethearts doesn't mean that's the path God has placed before you. You may be 28 or even 35 before you make that covenant before God, but regardless your destiny is your destiny despite the journey of someone you know.
Don't feel coerced into dating someone for the sake of appeasing your friends and family.
The next time a well meaning family member or friend oversteps their boundary in the matter just politely tell them that God is in full control and you have no worries.
Seeking validation. My beloved sister, no man should ever validate your existence. You exist because God has a divine purpose for your life and it is He that makes your life worth living for. Not a child, not a friend, and definitely not a love interest.
The only man who takes pride in making a vulnerable woman feel validated is the one who seeks to destroy her self-worth.
Steer clear from him. When you take the time to appreciate the precious gem you are in God's eyes is when you will no longer desire validation from low-lifes.
Get deep in your word and read every passage that pertains to the love God has for you.
Enveloped by loneliness. No one wants to be alone and I get that. I've gone through my own seasons of loneliness.
At one point I was so desperate for a love relationship I began one with someone who striped me of my self worth down to the bare bones.
When you have a healthy, thriving relationship with God you should never feel succumbed by loneliness because His presence is always there even when He isolates you for a season.
You cultivate a real relationship with God through reading His word and daily devotion. Take your focus off desiring a man and shift it towards desiring Yahweh. Putting God first will result in Him fulfilling those desires placed on your heart.
Convincing yourself the only way to overcome your loneliness is to begin a relationship with a man will get you hurt in more ways than one — you falling for abusive men out of desperation.
If you want to learn more about domestic abuse and or want to support an organization that supports domestically abused women visit the Sherri Denese Jackson Foundation.
Don't Cast Your Pearls Before Swine
Matthew 7:6 KJV
6Give not that which is holy unto the dogs, neither cast ye your pearls before swine, lest they trample them under their feet, and turn again and rend you.
HARD LESSONS LEARNED
Everything you've read thus far boils down to this very important topic, casting your pearls before swine. Don't do it!
The pearls in this discussion refers to your love, your obligations as a future wife, your virginity, your trust, and most importantly your self-worth.
The swine are the men undeserving of having you. Sadly, I made this mistake a few times as a young, know it all adult.
Freshman year of college I got engaged at the age of 18 within two weeks of meeting someone only to find out less than two years into our relationship he cheated on me by fathering a child with another woman he disdained.
I was 20 years old, naive, and desperate for marriage by giving him a another chance. To this day I thank God I dodged a bullet by not saying I do to a cheater.
Lay only with your husband.
At 18 I lost my virginity to an ex-boyfriend in high school who physically and verbally abused me.
Although, I stayed in the relationship for only 2months, I was so broken that when I dumped him I begged for him to take me back. He never did, but continued to use me anyway.
Overtime I grew a disdain for any man to touch me for my heart was harden by the abuse. 13 years later he got in contact with me through FB and apologized for all the hurt he caused. I forgave him and moved on.
You are not his wife.
At 22 I fell in love again and for the first time allowed my boyfriend to move in with me. I played the housewife role real well.
Cooking, cleaning, fornicating, paying my bills and his. I bought him two used cars and gave money to his family when they struggled.
I took his younger sister in to live with us only to have personal items stolen from me by her.
And all the while when the topic of marriage sprung up he made it clear that wasn't something he desired to do. I casted my pearls before swine and he trampled on them.
What is love and and valuing your self-worth.
I finally reached the point of emptiness and decided to move half way across the country to start over.
Unfortunately, I still didn't know what true love was and repeated pretty much the same scenario at the age of 27 for two more years. I was losing a piece of myself in every serious relationship I had without a clue how to stop the cycle.
When the last relationship left me incapacitated God stepped in to rescue His beloved daughter. Enough was enough.
I was jeopardizing my purposeful future with sorry men. God reminded me that I was of value and I deserved more than to be part of the random scraps found in a swine's troth.
Finally, I received the deliverance God had waiting for me the entire time. All I had to do was tell Him how desperately I needed His love and that I was done finding love my way.
After years of heartache, tears, and physical, verbal, and emotional abuse I married the love of my life. I had to give up everything I thought I knew about love to get to a place of knowing the real love a man of God can give.
– – CALL TO ACTION – –
Before you even think about considering a love relationship I am challenging you to develop 5 major boundaries that you vow to never cross.
What those boundaries entail is totally up to you, but I hope one of them is to save yourself for marriage even if you've had unlawful sex in the past.
Write them down in a journal and every so often go back and re-read them so you will not compromise yourself in the future.
One of the beautiful things about marriage is experiencing your firsts with your husband.
If you've experienced everything with the wrong man what else is left to share with your husband?"
Don't allow an empty I love you convince you to give all you're worth away and never cast your pearls before swine.