As a Christian, Black woman I know first hand what it’s like to hold back my inner feelings and to be tough and strong. Whether it’s our up bringing or society encouraging us to suppress our emotions, it’s safe to say revealing our weakness to others is considered shameful.
Songs like Big Girls Don't Cry by The Four Seasons and the movie Boys Don't Cry starring Hillary Swank all give the impression that crying is a sign of frailty.
It's my belief the rise in feminism has helped to perpetuate a society of women who feel as though they have to be strong as men all the time (and that's subjective because men feel broken too sometimes). We’re told crying is for sissies and showing vulnerability is taboo.
And who said men aren't to cry? King David in the bible was never ashamed of crying out to the Lord and that never made him lesser a King. Hello, he did write many of the heartfelt Psalms we enjoy reading today, but I digress.
We women are afraid to cry at work because it’s deemed unprofessional and may hurt future job promotions and crying in front of our kids is a big no no because mommy has to be strong 100% of the time.
Let me say the tears I’m referring to aren’t from a bad hair day or a broken nail, but from real life adversity and or loss. Situations beyond our control that cause us pain and anguish.
I want to encourage you today that there are times in our lives where grieving is okay and you need not to be afraid to express that emotion. Grieving doesn't make you weak it makes you wise because it leads you to your Heavenly Father who is the source to your healing.
I learned this valuable lesson first hand when I lost our first children after trying unsuccessfully for four years through a miscarry. Watch my YouTube video: My Traumatic Miscarry Story and Why God is Still Good where I share this inspirational story.
There are consequences to holding back our grief
Overtime we’ve developed an outer shell so hard that even the most difficult trials in our lives couldn’t break it. And if and when it does break the flood of emotions come in like a Monsoon rain completely overwhelming our entire being.
The consequence is that some women find it difficult to fully recover as depression, helplessness, bitterness, and or anger take up permanent residence within. These are all emotions you don't want to entertain. They are dangerous to your spiritual growth and sometimes physical health.
If you’re not used to bouncing back after grieving, it’s very difficult to do so when you never allowed yourself the opportunity to grieve in a healthy way in the first place.
We've bought into the lie that wailing after feeling deep pain and sorrow makes us weak and lesser to man. And if we want to grieve we do it in private because no one likes a cry baby. I'm here to tell you that's no way to live.
In order to get the most out of life you should embrace the good, the bad, and an ugly cry. There is strength in humility when you get down on your knees and ask the Lord to heal your heart when you feel deeply hurt.
God All Mighty grieves over His lost children every single day so who are we to be ashamed of grieving in our personal lives?
God's Design for women
Is this how God designed women, to be hard as men and to take on their assigned biblical role? If so, then it was pointless to create Eve from Adam's rib. We are made biologically different on purpose so please stop trying to undo God's design for women.
Eve was to be Adam's helper not to take his place by taking on his unique traits that make him a man. We women have our own special traits to embrace.
The perfect companion for Adam wasn't another man, but a woman therefore we have a preordained purpose and are valuable in our own right. I don't care what society tells us, but a woman's femininity is a gift from God not a curse.
We are allowed to feel and to express outwardly in a healthy way the pain we experience inside without being told to man up!
In many ways we are separate from men bet yet still equal in God's eyes and the sooner we embrace that the less confused society will be as a whole.
Women in the bible
The bible is full of nurturing, kind, humble, obedient, loving, compassionate, wise, and strong women. Some traits men struggle with. Even more important, it’s full of women who were once broken, but later redeemed by our Heavenly Father.
If you want to get a glimpse of real life vulnerability and how beautiful it can be then read the story of Hannah, Esther, and Ruth just to name a few from the bible.
These women faced difficult challenges from infertility to saving an entire nation of people, but yet in their brokenness God authored their incredible story that helped change the course of mankind through their faith, obedience, and humility.
Had these women carried themselves as men do (according to today's societal standards) who’s to say if Jesus Christ would have made it to the cross for his coming into this world come through the lineage of these same women. I hope you caught that. It was through their adversity, vulnerability, grieving, and seeking God that the Lord heard their cries and redeemed their circumstance.
Stop hiding and get the help you need
How can the Lord help you if you don’t cry out to Him or ask for His help? He is your creator therefore He has ALL the resources you’ll ever need. He knows what you are going through, but because you have free will it’s your job to seek Him during trying periods.
He wants you to need Him and not to reject Him because you think you have it all together.
Likewise, if you portray yourself as never needing help when you actually do, family members nor friends are going to know you are struggling and need encouragement and or a good shoulder to cry on. This is a lesson I learned recently after experiencing a lost.
Don't get me wrong, there are times we are to be strong as women, child birth anyone? But even the strongest clay pot will begin to crack after years of weathering the toughest storms.
So that next time God Throws You a Curve Ball allow yourself the opportunity to grieve, read Psalm 30 for comfort and keep it moving. God isn't finished with your story yet.
– – Call to Action – –
Share in the comments how you cope with grief. I'd love to hear.