Let’s be honest, when we invest in relationships we don’t do it to get zero on our ROI (return on investment). That would be somewhat foolish. We invest because we have an expectation for a favorable outcome such as long term companionship, love, and or marriage. So, how do you handle a stock market crash or simply a terrible breakup? Keep reading as I share with you 8 steps towards healing after a painful breakup.
What We Shared Was So Special
Love relationships are a beautiful thing. The memories of you talking on the phone for hours on end, sharing first time moments, and supporting one another when times got rough are just a few of the perks. Love relationships are full of life lessons learned and unforgettable experiences. Until...
Suddenly, what you thought would last forever ended abruptly. That’s when your whole world shatters into a million pieces leaving you alone to salvage what lies before you, your broken heart. You ask yourself, What we shared was so special, what happened?
Most likely the signs of an imminent breakup were always present. Perhaps you were lost in love, therefore ignored the warnings. But it’s okay because you are not alone. The vast majority of us have experienced this devastation. It comes with the territory of discovering all the facets that encompass love relationships when we sometimes fail to seek out God in the matter first.
My Life is Over Deception
My beloved sister, it’s therapeutic to cry, but don’t allow your tears to overcome your happiness. I want to tell you a little secret. Your life is NEVER over due to a breakup. In fact, a recent breakup is the first step towards a new beginning. It’s a time to celebrate what new and amazing things God has in store for your life. You are walking into a new season filled with purpose and a Father’s unfailing love for His daughter.
During this process your adversary wants to send you into a depression. Don’t give into those thoughts of worthlessness, not feeling good enough, loneliness, discontentment, angry, revenge, etc.
The enemy is full aware of the great things your Heavenly Father has for you and will try his darnedest to throw you off track. Remember, Satan doesn’t know how to love therefore, how can you trust anything he says about love? Trust Jesus Christ who is the epitome of love.
Next, I’m going to share with you an 8 step plan for bouncing back after a terrible breakup.
8 Steps Towards Healing After a Terrible Breakup
1. Cry it out. Sometimes what you really need is a good ole fashion sob session. While doing so, keep in mind that each and every tear that flows from your beautiful eyes are all the hurt and pain you currently feel being released from your heart never to return again. These tears just made room for your heart to be filled with new love. Release, let go, and move forward!
2. Surround yourself with loving friends and family. While in recovery surround yourself with people you trust even if it’s just one person. Sharing your breakup experience with a best friend or close family member can be therapeutic and encourages you to move ahead especially, if they share their own personal breakup tales.
My sister and I have so many breakup stories from when we were young and naive we often times sit back and laugh at the calamities we’ve gotten ourselves into. It’s okay to share with others who mean you well.
3. Delete his number. Yes! As difficult as it may seem the best dose of medicine is to break free from him all together. This includes unfriending/unfollowing him on social media. If you genuinely want to get over him then you’ll have to take this challenging step. If there are children involved you’ll have to keep in contact with him. Instead, it’s best to set boundaries and stick to them 100%.
Look at it as making room for the right guy to come into your life. It makes things extremely challenging when you still have attachments to your ex while embarking on your new love. Staying in contact with your ex opens the doors for your new love to question your trust even if you’re being faithful. The enemy loves destroying relationships and will definitely use your ex to plant seeds of mistrust, believe me.
If you’re afraid that deleting his number will prevent you two from rekindling your relationship later down the line that’s not true. If God desires you two to be together in the future, He will orchestrate it and make it possible. Don’t stress about that and continue to follow your Father’s will.
4. Toss it out! I suggest you discard as much as possible any and every material possession given to you by your ex. If you want to donate it or give it away that’s fine. Feel like selling it, go for it! It’s yours and you can do as you please with it. I can tell you without a doubt my husband wouldn’t be thrilled if I continued to wear the gold, diamond promise ring my ex-fiancé gave me years ago.
The point is to give yourself a fresh start and to not allow those sentimental items hold you hostage. If you’re having second thoughts about tossing something out, then it’s a pretty good indicator that you are attached to it possibly coveting it as though it was an idol. God is very clear in His word about idolatry and won’t stand for it. One of the best tips to breaking soul ties is to get rid of the items that were given to you by your ex.
5. Do a mini makeover. One of the most liberating things I use to do when I broke up with a boyfriend was to cut my hair in a new style. It was like I cut off the dead weight of a terrible relationship. Doing so also helped me focus on the new life I had waiting for me.
There is nothing wrong with treating yourself to a fresh new look whether it’s a new outfit, new hairstyle, or pampering yourself more often. Just keep in mind it’s meant to be a confidence booster and not to invoke feelings of pride, vanity, narcissism, and or seduction.
You don’t have to spend beyond your means or have plastic surgery (I would never recommend this), but it’s encouraging to know you haven’t allowed your breakup to diminish your self-esteem and self-worth. Unfortunately, some women are so depressed they forego taking care of themselves all together. Don’t let that be you.
Lift your chin up and put on a smile like everyday is your birthday.
6. Get out of the house. You can’t stay in your home sulking all day long. How are you able to walk into what God has waiting for you if you lock yourself up? Save up for a mini vacay even if only for a weekend, volunteer within your community, go visit an old girlfriend. Whatever you decide do it outside of your home. You need to take in the fresh air and the new possibilities that await you.
7. Invest in yourself. Did your last relationship hold you back from doing the things God placed on your heart to do? Were you procrastinating on starting that college course, or opening your own business, or leading that women’s group in Church? If the desire is on your heart do it! What are you waiting for?
When you invest in yourself now you’re indirectly investing in your next relationship — you’ll have more to put on the table. What man of God wouldn’t want a woman who came out of a failed, painful relationship more content, more confident, full of faith, and ready for real love? It’s a subtle way of showing attractiveness from within.
8. Let go and let God. Now after accomplishing steps 1 - 7 it’s time to hand it over to God. Rest in Him knowing He’s got everything under control. This is actually the fun part — waiting for His promise to come into fruition. Instead of worrying about when, when, when remind yourself that when can be right now if you allow Him to do His perfect work.
The Importance of Healing
If you don’t take the necessary steps towards a full recovery you may very well be holding yourself back from the relationship you’ve always desired. No Godly man wants half of a woman’s heart.
In other words, if you are fixated on what you thought you lost in the past how can the new love of your life compete with that? He’ll always feel second best and that isn’t fair to him. Let the past go and create a future with the new man God has placed in your life. Go get him girl!
–CALL TO ACTION–
What are some other helpful tips when dealing with a painful breakup? Please share in the comments below.